I know there is a lot more to what you have been involved other than prop 8, but it certainly leads to questions.

I also know that many people grew up in a Mom/Dad son/daughter home green grass, white picket fence, no abuse, lots of love, lots of safety etc etc

Some, however have had a life of hell, including sexual abuse, and other trauma, some of the folks I have met who are glbt came from homes like that, but some have come from Hell on Earth, and have lived with rejection suffering and pain.

Is there really room from them in Adventism?

What do you say to those Church members who are afraid, or honestly scared when 'they' look at the children in the Church?

Yes, there is room for all in the body of Christ, including in Adventism.

I am not sure exactly what you mean by the binary between "stable" and "victimized" folks in the question, but I think that however ones' sexuality identity is formed, that fact is that God loves them.

Churches, especially small ones, can attract folks whose suffering can make them seem to be poor fits with the bourgeois values of the church. But I think that it is important to be careful not to pathologize folks, especially those who have suffered a great deal due to their gender/sexual identity. We just have to make room for all, because that's what Jesus would do.